Where Is God in My Pain?
by Lina Abujamra
I relived every moment of unshed tears while I fought with God tooth and nail for answers. I mourned so many wasted days in the valley. But then it occurred to me that it was the very deconstruction of my faith that opened my eyes to God. It was the deconstruction of my faith that gave me a taste of His unconditional love and never-ending grace. It was the deconstruction of my faith that rebuilt me inside and out.
Over the last few years, I’ve found that the deconstruction of one’s faith has many flavors but one common theme: pain. Your pain may not be church-related at all. Your pain may be much more personal. Your hurt may have been born out of deep abuse. Your struggle may be the result of repetitive disappointment and unshakeable bad “luck.” Your wounds may be the result of something you did or something that was done to you. Your skepticism may be due to your dissatisfaction with the standard answers you’ve heard to life’s most difficult questions.
It’s only when you finally let go of all the clutter you believe about God that you can make room for Him in your life again. When you stop long enough for God to reveal Himself to you as He really is, and not as you’ve made Him up to be, a slow reconstruction begins.
It happened to me. I know it can happen to you too.