Me…On Running

I am running, consuming breath, consuming wind, yet I am renewed!
For the pleasure of living and breathing, yes this is what propels my feet to trod,

Though breathless I gasp, my gaze is steady upon life’s mystery, of life’s intrigues and possibilities,
So if you wonder, this is why I can not run then,
And this is why I plod onward, eager to trot, to push the pace,
As one when I run, I somehow become two: the pursued and the pursuring;
And in this I pleasure, I have discovered another who runs the course within and without:
Love!
Love runs alongside, and joy also my companion.
No better medicine have I than this…than to run!
For when I run, the mystery I perceive is unveiled;
There is no end to it…Love…there is no end!


An Honor Bestowed

The following is the body of an article posted in Runner’s World+ in October 2019.

I HOPE TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS WITH MY RUN JOURNEY

I became a serious ‘runner’ about 10 years ago, after I developed chronic, debilitating back and hip pain in my early 40s. Intuitively I knew I needed to move, but initially even walking much was painful. Eventually, I asked my husband to purchase a treadmill for my use at home, and thereafter I spent some quality time on it for many months. Slowly but surely, I was able to go from walking to jogging. Once I felt strong enough, I ventured outdoors to run in my neighborhood. Did I mention I live in the high desert? At 4500-feet elevation! Heavy breathing was a constant while running in my hill country. It used to demoralize me. But I stuck with my runs because my back and hips were no longer hurting. It would take years of running in my community before I felt like I was making any gains. But eventually, I did get stronger. I ran my first race (10K) six years ago because a friend asked me to help her train for a half marathon. Our training for that distance has led to running many races over the past five years. And because I do most of my running in my community, I have been able to encourage and train others in my town who want or need to become more active. This is especially fulfilling to me; running has not only enriched and improved my life, but it has become a vehicle by which I may encourage others to begin their run journeys too.

WHY I JOINED RW+

I joined RW+ to have access to every good thing RW offers. I simply could not imagine losing access to regular online articles and features; additionally, having the paper magazine means I can share RW with those whom I train; especially those new to running who have not yet enjoyed reading RW.

RUNNING HAS TAUGHT ME THAT MY BODY IS STRONG

Running makes me feel strong and younger than my years. And it makes me feel accomplished; especially when I have a race on my calendar and a training plan that beckons me to stay on course with the hard workouts. I am naturally lazy and afraid of over-committing myself (physically), so running has taught me that my body is strong…most of the time it is stronger than I believe it to be.

What motivates me to run? Keeping ahead of my own aging! That’s what motivates me. When I make gains in my running strength and stamina, I am loathe to go backward. Some reversals in fitness are out of our control (accidents, illness, etc), so the fact that fitness is a dynamic moving target keeps me moving, and running as much as I can. And I love feeling younger and stronger than I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s. Plus, running gives me an opportunity to have ‘me time’, and unlike other indulgences, running is not a guilty pleasure, but rather a place of happy sanctuary from daily stress. Of course, there are negative motivators too, like how I feel when I don’t run (lack of energy, weight gain, aches/pains). So on most days I am pretty motivated to move my feet happily outdoors or on the treadmill.

I NEED TO RUN IN THE MORNING

My work schedule is full of training appointments and group classes I teach. Most days if I don’t run first thing in the morning, I won’t have time or energy to run in the evening. Sometimes I will run twice a day (two easy, short runs) to fit around a full day of appointments. The weekends are used for easy and or long runs if I’m training for a race.

I RUN IN MY COMMUNITY

I run a variety of routes in my home town during the week, mostly on the streets leaving straight away from my home. I live in the high desert, so the terrain provides excellent hill and altitude (4500-feet elevation) training. Depending on my energy level and current training plan, I’ll pick a route to match my mood and available time. And because my community is rural desert, there is an endless array of trails to run on too. But mostly, during the week, I just like being in my community, running through the neighborhoods and enjoying the natural beauty and serenity running provides me. When I need an extra boost of running encouragement, I’ll drive into town (30 minutes south and 2000-feet lower in elevation) to run on the city’s urban multi-use trails. This really is an ego pump…running fast (relative to home) on the urban paths with so many other happy runners is quite energizing.

FAVORITE GEAR

The one item I almost always wear for all my 3+ mile runs is my running hydration pack by Nathan. This pack is designed gender specific and boasts a 2-liter bladder which accommodates my hydration needs when running in the dry southwest. My pack carries everything I need (phone, nutrition, first aid, keys, etc) without the uncomfortable bounce of a waist belt or fanny pack. Of course I ALWAYS wear my Garmin Fenix 5s GPS watch with my heart rate strap monitor to keep myself honest on easy run days and to feel like a hero when I run on the urban pathways.

I WANT TO BE A LIFE-LONG RUNNER

I would like to run another marathon in 2020 and finish within 4.5 to 5.0 hours. I ran my first marathon last year (Marine Corps Marathon) after contracting shingles two months before the race. The fact I finished the race at all was an amazing accomplishment given my health status on race day. I hope to run two more half marathons before attempting my second full marathon. But really my most important running goal is to be a life-long runner; and if I can run happy through the rest of my decades, then I will consider myself a fulfilled runner indeed!


A Running Philosophy

Age is no barrier. It’s a limitation you put on your mind. Jackie Joyner-Kersee

As a runner, you don’t have decades of improvement, unless perhaps you are reading this book in your elementary school classroom . You’re always on the precipice of decline. Acknowledge that and perhaps we can think of it more like the happy elderly people. Love where you are, love who you are with, and be happy in the present. The finish line is coming for all runners and no one wants to be the first to break the tape.  The Happy Runner

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?  Albert Einstein

Winning has nothing to do with racing. Most days don’t have races anyway. Winning is about struggle and effort and optimism, and never, ever, ever giving up. Amby Burfoot

It is our duty as men and women to proceed as though limits to our abilities do not exist.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin 

For me, success in running wasn’t about how far or how fast I was going — it was about making a commitment to accomplish something hard, and then putting in the work to follow through.  Emily Abbate


Let’s Run

It’s a blustery, winter weather kind of day today; and I’m glad for it. It’s December 2nd, and I’ve waited all summer long for this kind of day to give me an honest excuse for not going outside to run! So today I will honor the weather and this season. Today I will sit and stay…indoors…happily…with nowhere to run and nothing better to do than rest, read and rejuvenate. Funny thing is, while I sit, I am still thinking about running and of course…not running!

run clip art

So it seems appropriate that while I’ve been contemplating the benefits of my run life, and while resting my ever-ready-to-run legs, I should find refreshment for myself and my feet. What follows, is what has found me this morning…while I have been sitting. The quotes below, inspired by the run lives of others known and unknown to myself, will hopefully also inspire you, dear reader, to actively embrace your run life as a ‘moving-meditation’. May the thoughts which follow, give you reason, motivation, and inspiration to run the race of your life with heart and sole.

Now go forward in today and in today’s tomorrows. Go forward if you will and hold nothing of yourself in reserve! Live out loud, run out strong. Embrace your life in faithful answer to your calling…full of grace and strength and conviction!
Finish strong ~ Finish Well

run clip art

We were meant and designed to run long and hard. Training for that is not an imposition, not artificial, not unnatural. It is in the essence of our being.
Roger Robinson

Whatever you do, do it well; go at it hard; 100 percent. Tiger Holmes ~ 90 year old master’s swimming competitor

Running doesn’t get easier with age, but the payoffs grow greater.  Amby Burfoot – Run Forever

Growing old is one of the ways the soul nudges itself into attention to the spiritual aspect of life. The body’s changes teach us about fate, time, nature, mortality, and character. Aging forces us to decide what is important in life. Thomas Moore – Care of the Soul

In running, it doesn’t matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say ‘I have finished.’ And there is a whole life’s worth of satisfaction in that. Author Unknown


Showing Up…Is the Reward

I have never run a ‘race pace’ so slow in all the races I have entered in the last five years. But I have never felt more accomplished than I do now 9 days after completing my first marathon.  If you have read any of my previous blog posts from the past several months, you will know how meaningful this marathon finish is to me. I am exceedingly grateful and supremely amazed that I was able to convince my legs to keep moving for 26.2 miles non-stop for five and a half hours. Clearly, the body is able if the mind is willing and believing!

“All you need is the courage to believe in yourself and put one foot in front of the other.” — Kathrine Switzer

As a personal trainer, many of my clients had no doubt I could accomplish this distance to completion. But I had other thoughts and beliefs about my ability; thoughts that could not comprehend such an accomplishment. Giving attention to those kinds of thoughts did not make a finish line seem likely in my future. I did not like thinking those kinds of thoughts nor did I like the way those thoughts made me feel. They made me feel impotent in my striving; they made me feel foolish for desiring such a goal for myself; those lousy negative thoughts took away my joy. And whenever I caught myself in that downward spiral, I got mad and made myself wake up to change the channel of my thinking.

“You don’t need to do twenty-five squats today to build your quad muscles. You need to think five positive thoughts about your motivations for running, fitness, and lifelong health. Because it’s not the quads that will get your legs moving, it’s the thoughts.” –Amby Burfoot

Clearly, the work before race day had already been done in my physical training. And as the calendar pages flipped closer to my marathon, I realized the greatest obstacle I would face would be my own thinking thoughts. So there was nothing else for me to do except give myself permission to think thoughts about all those things that could and would go right for me during the marathon.

I remember now, how those kinds of thoughts felt like such a luxury to me during the race…truly like the wind beneath the wings of my feet. Astonishment was my traveling companion in those last six miles to the finish…how was it possible to arrive at this distance feeling so exhilarated and and so grateful?

I have never before known such personal determination. And yet, I know there were so many others who gave me assistance on my way to the finish line…of this I am most gratefully certain! Between the cheering spectators on the course and at home, I sit here today, nine days later amazed. Amazed that I moved my legs for more than fifty-two thousand consecutive steps to cross a finish line I set out to conquer more than nine months ago…my first marathon finish. What an honor and privilege it is to run this race we call life!

MCM 2018 finish

Deb (#679) finishing the 2018 Marine Corps Marathon

“Life is for participating, not for spectating.”
― Kathrine Switzer


The Refinery

In Going All Out, I describe my return to my running self and how energized I felt to be training for my first Marathon race. Since that post from May-2018, my race venue changed from NYC to Arlington, VA, but the change in venue did not reduce my delight in purposefully running again.  During the early summer months, it seemed surreal, the long runs, the speed workouts, challenging as they were, all of them gave me delight in knowing I was prepairing my body and mind for an epic event…running 26.2 miles on October 28, 2018!

If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and watch a marathon.
Kathrine Switzer

Then, on August 10th, the wheels came off. Over a 24-hour period my body went from seemingly healthy and turned into a raging conflagration steeped in the melting pot of a full-blown shingles viral attack. I could not believe that this hideous malady had found me out. For all my good health and strength and well-being, I was laid out in such weakness, and racked with the firey pains so common to this hideous malady. How could this happen so suddenly, without warning? I was dumbstruck…awestruck really…with my unhappy fortune and especially for the disruption this had brought to my marathon training!

For three weeks I did little more than rest; and I use the word metaphorically. Sleep did not restore or invigorate; sleep could not be caught or latched onto; sleep only took me away from myself and cast me into strange, mysterious places of unknowing. Perhaps it was due to a lack of sleep together with a steady dose of unrelieved pain, but whatever the cause, I also realized a fermenting growth of anxiety sprouting like ugly weeds in my garden. Something like dispair seemed to ooze into my consciousness. I noticed these downward thoughts even while I accepted and acknowledged the fact that I am no different or exceptional from anyone else. None of us is immune from illness and disease. Even people who do everything right for their body can and will, from time to time, succomb to break-ins or break-downs in their well-being.

If we were to examine our diseases poetically, we might find a wealth of imagery that could speak to the way we live our lives. Following up on that imagery, we could attune our lives and allow ourselves to be corrected by the disease. That is what I mean when I say that without sickness we wouldn’t be cured, physically and psychologically. Care of the Soul ~ Thomas Moore

Thankfully, by the end of week three, I had an ephipany, a bolt out of the blue, rekindling the dark place of my pitiful thinking. Like an arrow finding its bulls-eye, the thought hit center and ran my runner’s soul clean through: You may actively recover your running (body) with the mindset of starting the marathon race! You may not be able to finish all 26.2 miles, but at least you may purpose to begin training…again. YES! YES, YES, INDEED! To toe the start line, come what may, would be my very own victory. Victory over illness; victory over dispair; victory over defeated thinking. The barb hit its mark!

A funny thing happened on my way to the Marathon…to be continued!

MCM


Going All Out

I’m back! Back to running that is. I’m almost afraid to make such a public announcement, afraid I’ll jinx myself, because I’ve been away from my running self for well over a year. That my slump coincided with the passing of my mother is understandable, on an intellectual and emotional level, of course.

But on the physical and cognitive level, I could not accept that this once happy activity flat-lined without my permission. While I faithfully moved my legs on the treadmill, I could not muster the desire to go outside for runs around town. Something had changed for me and my running life. I do not know when or why or how I lost my happy running self. All I know was this: that girl was long gone! And she left me to run alone!

I eventually came to terms with the change, and I settled into a solitary routine which moved my body, but not my spirit. I accepted the fact that I was doing my body good even though I wasn’t experiencing the familiar endorphin rush. I entered 5K and 10K races here and there throughout the passing months, but more and more I felt like I was running in someone else’s body. I continued to run because I could, but I was lost, disconnected from by best self.

During those long months, I found solace by reading about running, or about famous runner athletes; I read about sports psychology and the power of the mind to enhance performance. All these things kept my head and heart in the sport. Most importantly, reading about running gave me hope…hope that I would eventually rediscover my focus, my muse, my love for happy running in the near future.

And then as providence would have it, this past January, an email appeared in my inbox. It’s subject line singularily suggestive and ultimately sinister:

Apply Today for the 2018 TCS New York City Marathon

What sort of a joke was this? I don’t run marathons! Why did those people from New York send me this email. I almost deleted the email without opening it. And I’m not sure why I even felt compelled to open it. But I did. And before I could think the whole thing through, I actually found myself applying for the marathon entry raffle. It took me less than two minutes to complete my registration. With one final push of the SUBMIT button, I became a player. What did I have to lose? Nothing!

More importantly, what did I have to gain? First and foremost in my mind, I would have to schedule a trip to New York City for sure. A trip to the place of my birth, which of course I have always wanted to visit since I was raised on the west coast of southern California from the age of 2 onward.

But wait, if I won an entry, that meant I would need to TRAIN to complete a marathon: 26.2 miles of running in one day! I’ve heard myself say out loud, on many occations, and often in mixed company, that running a marathon is a crazy, over-rated amount of running to ask a body, especially MY BODY, to do! Good grief, what had I done? What was I thinking? I had potentially committed myself to run a marathon! 26.2 MILES! Oh my, that was and still is a frightening thought. But wait, what are the chances of my winning an entry? 1 in 16,000! HA! No worries…I am not that lucky. But what if I am?

If I am that lucky, then there is no time to lose! I can not waste a month, or any months, of unfocused running because 26.2 miles is a very long way! Wait a minute…I signed up to run a Marathon? Well, no… not just yet. That happens later. I would have a month of anxious waiting to do before I would know the outcome of the raffle.

You can probably predict the outcome of my raffle entry. However, I will not spoil that story in this post. In the meantime, though, you should know that during the days of waiting for the raffle announcment, I was pretending to be a runner again. I was running and pretending to train for a Marathon. And while I was pretending, a funny thing happened along the way…I met and found my happy running self again.

And I think I like this new, updated version of me. The reluctant marathon girl. I think I like what she has become; what she has done for me. She has given me a purpose for running. She has given me a goal to aim towards; she has renewed my focus which I thought I had lost for good. She has given me a reason to run (achieve) and a distance (fear) to overcome. Yippee! I have met my hero, and alas she is me!

Now all I need is a plan…but first, I will need to run…did I mention I’ve never run 26.2 miles at once…EVER?

Even though I may never know what propelled me to submit that fateful lottery entry, I am so very glad I did, because I’ve never felt so good, so alive since I’ve begun my training. I AM ALL IN! To be continued…

Nothing beats the inner peace of mind of knowing that you went all out with your best attitude and expended your full effort. Doing your best by discovering the borders of your physical limits is also your own true gauge of personal success.  Jim Afremow ~ The Champion’s Mind

 


ROAR

So this is grief and grieving? It is a strenuous process!!

Sometimes…like today…

I just need to do this one little thing ~ ROAR…

Yes, I roar; then, I run!

But this one thing I do,
When I run and roar…
I run towards…not away;
I run towards my life!
I roar for the fight of my life!

I have a life! ROAR!

I run towards life to embrace it;
To embrace it with
All my strength,
And hope,
And passion.

I RUN! I ROAR!

I am…
Better.


Thoughts Well Chosen

Run the Mile You Are InI do not know who quipped these wise words, but they have been especially helpful to me in regards to my run training of late. In fact, when I consider how useful this mantra has been for my running, I realize that this idea easily transfers into my non-running life too.

Whether putting in the miles for long road races or technical trail races, I often find I need to avail myself of this wisdom. Run training cycles can wear on a runner’s mind as much as the miles wear on the body, and I find I am most tempted to quit a run when facing those tired, anxious thoughts during long solo runs. However, now that I have added this mantra to my runner’s tool box, I have discovered a powerful implement to beat off negative run-thinking.

As many runners will attest, the power of a well chosen mantra can allay and repurpose unproductive thinking during a hard run. This mantra has become my new best-friend and a powerful antidote for run-weary thoughts. When I focus my mind on these words, I  am firmly re-connected to my body as it moves in the present moment. From this present perspective I settle my breathing and my pace and I find it possible to relax my grip on the unknown, which is measured in miles to go until I finish.

Savor the quest, not the finish. The Cool Impossible ~ Eric Orton

Thoughts of the unknown are always projected onto the movie screen of the future. The minutes, hours, and days which we cannot physically inhabit, become the playground for bullies who taunt our imagination with fearful images of ourselves as incompetent, inadequate school yard failures.

This driving need of ours, to know what we cannot know, has the potential to strip us not only of physical energy but also of happiness and joy for the journey we are currently running; whether it’s the next 100 feet of uphill trail or the next blank page of a manuscript which needs to be filled with narrative, story and conviction.

Every race is a question, and I never know until the last yards what the answer will be. Long Run Solution ~ Joe Henderson

It’s funny how this one little mantra has taught me something about thoughts well chosen; about how thoughts have no power over me except to distract me into believing them as true. And I have become keenly aware of the importance of choosing quality thoughts, because quality thoughts produce quality running and quality living.

When I direct my thoughts to inhabit the moments of now, they clearly have their effect on me. When I run in the present mile, I have focus and strength and breath for each step I take in the present mile. I do not, I can not, and I will not worry about whether I’ll have breath or strength for the miles ahead. I am training myself to just keep moving…for now.

From this perspective I am able to focus my mind and body on the powerful physical movements I am making towards my finish line, rather than wasting precious energy entertaining ideas of what I may not be able to accomplish.

My run training has taught me that as my body responds to the training effects of physical repetition and practice, my mind likewise improves its ability to inhabit and reflect on the current moment rather projecting itself into the future.

I feel silly admitting that at 50+ years of age, I am still learning how to live positively in the reality of the present, fully inhabiting all the moments which make this time now.  But here’s the beauty of learning how to live in the land of now: with every step and stride I take, I grow in confidence that my breath and legs will be adequate for the journey…to carry me through the mile I am already in.


Why Do I Run?

Why do I run? I run because it makes me feel so fully alive…in my body and in my mind. It is a spiritual, mystical experience; it is not something I fully understand, this feeling, this need to move my legs and feet. Nor can I easily explain or define why running is so meaningful to me. But run I do, because it magically makes time slow down and with every breath I deeply breathe I exist and am firmly rooted in the presence of now.

And running gives me so many choices…I may propel myself forward in any given direction at any given speed or effort. I may run lightly as a leaf blown about on the morning’s gentle breeze. Flitting here and there…gliding, tumbling, or plodding…it doesn’t matter which way I go, up or down, my feet follow one after the other, traversing the hilly streets all around my little town…until they wish to run no more and then they walk me safely home again.

While running, we can use the body as another language in which to express our longing for God. Running artfully, our bodies become a beautiful liturgy of the physical. Running the Spiritual Path ~ Roger Joslin

I run to remember, to remind myself that I am alive; older with each passing day it’s true, but alive and awake enough to breathe deep so as to expel the staleness of the moments just past; I move toward each new moment with purpose; I chase it down with great anticipation for what will appear; for what will arrive and for what will depart. To run is to strive for all that I am and all that I may be.

Why do I run? Because I can; because I must; because I love to feel so fully, so painfully alive…in my body and in my mind. It is a spiritual, mystical experience.