What shall I make of this day? I am awake and desire so much from myself and what lies ahead in the delectable minutes before me. My heart, my mind, my whole being has been so full and overflowing of JOY! For months! What is this…who is this? What have I become? I wish for this to never end…this is almost too much for me to take in. I have become a stranger to myself. There has been a feeling of such quality, and depth and strength; so full and rich and vibrant it must…it needs…it demands to overflow the container of my life. I feel it ooze out of me into the messy world I inhabit.
So here I sit this morning, and it has been far too long since I have enjoyed a moment of this kind of solitude; composed and disposed of a mind to companion with myself; to dialogue on paper so as to perceive…to understand…to comprehend the meaning of this change which has bubbled over my thinking for so very many, many months now. I feel like I have walked into someone else’s life…where is my darkness; my despair; my sadness. What has become of them? They have flown away, carried off to parts unknown. Grateful I am to have lost those traveling companions, I am so full of awe and giddy delight of this new place of thinking and feeling and living; it is sweet; pure; peaceful. What have I done to deserve such recompense? In quite times, before I wander off to sleep I am almost afraid to wake lest my dreamscape vaporize upon morning’s first light; tempted I am, to fear waking and a return of the shadow lands.
Ultimately, what brings joy to any experience isn’t the experience itself but the quality of thinking that we bring to it. Slowing Down to the Speed of Life by Richard Carlson & Joseph Bailey
But no, every morning, every day is new! There is One who travels so closely with me these days and informs me otherwise. Here, now, together we go; there is no fear; no longing for another day; only perfect rest and bliss and love of everything…because everything is as it should be. My prayer, then, if I could form one perfect thought this morning, before the first light of dawn, is for you…the one who has read these words of mine.
Rise up in your solitude, in your quiet place and wait and hope and trust for your Peace to come and rest upon your heart and mind and soul. Today this is my hope and prayer for you. That in quietness you will discover what is most beneficial, most healing and helpful to you. Be patient; faint not; carry on in faithful service whatever and wherever your calling finds or places you. Be the change you want to see: in yourself…in others…in the world.
It is a holy thing, is it not? The sound of silence. It can clarify my murky thinking if given ample time in this place. Silence. It brings to brilliant relief those thoughts, ideas, attitudes, and feelings of mine that need to be examined and reduced to their most base elements. Silence. If I will only allow the quiet of silence to settle on me, like a misting fog, so that it may wrap me in its enveloping Presence. Silence. In the quiet, if I will linger for awhile, I may be delighted again, to hear the faint whispers of the Divine; his Breath as healing and loving kindness to my inmost being; like a flower’s fragrance of which I want to inhale deeply. Silence. His quieting Essence draws me out from myself; from the nooks and crannies of brokenness and into the light and life of Being.
The sound of silence invites me to intimacy with my former self, to the place of my beginning…my first residence where I was knitted together in the invisible realm; where the only sounds known to me were of heartbeat and breath; the sounds of love and life. Silence. To this place which I am drawn, my pursuit of quiet oneness. Because it is in this place that I become aware of communion with the One. I can hear the Heartbeat, I can feel the rhythmic Breath cradling me back to life; I am keenly exposed, yet not undone. It is in this place of beginning, that I find I am remade and renewed.
Silence. When I listen and soak to the full, I learn and re-learn how to live in the other place, in the outside, noisy world. But for now, I will delight in this quiet place; I will settle down into myself and into the company of the One. Yes, this is the place I will take myself to, run to, expectantly, and often, when I am in want. Silence. Because this is the place where I find and meet again, the Maker of me. In the quiet and still I will be hushed and comforted by his Presence; after all this I know, the sound of silence is a holy thing.
As I sit here this morning in quiet contemplation, I wonder what it is that the Lord would have me know and do today; I am thinking several things at once. First, today is Friday and it lays open and bare without the structure of work or requirement of appointments. That at first puts me at some dis-ease as I am so used to having my days booked and scheduled to the full. The other strand that is floating by my awareness is that I should be heading out the door for my morning run. But it’s still a little too cool for my liking, and truth be told, I feel less than motivated to go out when I have no ‘race’ on my calendar.
There are no idle thoughts. All thinking produces form at some level.
~A Course in Miracles~
So I am sitting here tapping away on my keyboard trying to be quiet and not upset so that I can hear the whispers and stirrings of Spirit. And yes, for many reasons, I am feeling a little out of sorts. All the ‘things’ that I look to for purpose and structure are lacking at this moment, and I’m trying to be okay with that because I want to fully occupy this time in space. I do not want to scamper away in fullness of care ~ I do not want to fill my hours with activity just to feel better about a momentary lull. I want to, and I think I am actually already beginning to, luxuriate in this quiet space between.
Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility. ~Oprah Winfrey~
So today, this morning, this moment in time, has given me some ideas about possibilities; about change; about simplicity; about contentment in any situation and condition; today, in these quiet minutes I have determined that a reduction is necessary.
Examine these thoughts, because they are fears about outcomes. But this worry is based on your need to know. Break the cycle of those thoughts by being aware of the now. Savor the quest, not the finish.
The Cool Impossible ~Christopher McDougall and Eric Orton
It is time to reduce my dependence on the need to sate every waking hour with movement; there is a stirring this morning to learn a new rhythm for the day; to recognize the value of each rest and pause for the gift that it is. The space between is indeed a destination which my soul craves; I must come here often…so that I may find respite and renewal.